Education
Is there something wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
Wh
at is sexual orientation?
What is gender identity and expression?
What does Transgender mean?
Who are intersex people?
How are sexual orientation and gender identity determined?
Can gay people change their sexual orientation or gender identity?
How does someone know they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
Why do people “come out”?
How do I come out to my family and friends?
What do I do if someone comes out to me?
Can gay people have families?
How can I reconcile my or my loved one’s sexual orientation with
my faith?
What about HIV/AIDS?
Why should I support gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights?
Is there something wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
No. There have been people in all cultures and times throughout
human history who have identified themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual
or transgender (GLBT). Homosexuality is not an illness or a disorder,
a fact that is agreed upon by both the American Psychological Association
and the American Psychiatric Association. Homosexuality was removed
from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American
Psychiatric Association in 1974. Being transgender or gender variant
is not a disorder either, although Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID)
is still listed in the DSM of the American Psychiatric Association.
Being GLBT is as much a human variation as being left-handed -
a person’s sexual orientation and gender identity are just another
piece of who they are. There is nothing wrong with being GLBT -
in fact, there’s a lot to celebrate.
What is wrong are discriminatory laws, policies and attitudes that
persist in our schools, workplaces, places of worship and larger
communities. PFLAG works to make sure that GLBT people have full
civil rights and can live openly, free from discrimination and
violence.
A person’s sexual orientation is defined by their enduring emotional,
romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to other people. Heterosexual
(or straight) refers to people whose sexual and romantic feelings
are primarily for people of the opposite sex. Homosexual (or gay
and lesbian) refers to people whose sexual and romantic feelings
are primarily for those of the same sex. The term lesbian refers
to women who are homosexual. Bisexual (or bi) refers to people
whose sexual and romantic feelings are for people of both sexes.
Other terms that people use to describe their sexual orientation
are “queer” and “questioning.”
What is gender identity and expression?
A person’s gender identity is their internal sense of being male
or female. Gender expression is how someone presents their gender
to the world. We all have a gender identity, and we all have ways
of expressing it. Our society has a narrow view of what it means
to be a woman or a man, and we learn that from an early age. Those
who are visibly gender-variant face increased risk of harassment
in school, unemployment, homelessness, hate violence, lack of access
to health care and loss of custody of their children. But many
create supportive communities where they can be who they are. PFLAG
envisions a society that embraces everyone, including those of
diverse gender identities.
A transgender person is someone whose gender identity or expression
differs from conventional expectations for their physical sex.
The term transgender is used to describe several distinct but related
groups of people who use a variety of other terms to self-identify.
Transgender people can include transsexuals (not all transsexual
people need or want sex reassignment surgery), masculine women,
feminine men, drag queens/kings, cross-dressers, gender queers,
two-spirit, butches, transmen, transwomen, etc. Like other people,
transgender people can be straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Intersex people are individuals born with anatomy or physiology,
which differs from cultural and/or medical ideals of male and female.
The medical term “hermaphrodite” has been commonly used,
but is not accepted by many intersex people. It is standard medical
practice to assign a sex at birth to individuals born with intersex/atypical
anatomy or physiology and to perform surgeries beginning in infancy
and often continuing into adolescence, before a child is able to
give informed consent. The Intersex
Society of North America has
labeled this practice as genital mutilation and opposes surgery
on infants and children. Another good source of information about
intersex
issues is Bodies Like Ours.
How are sexual orientation and gender identity determined?
No one knows exactly how sexual orientation and gender identity
determined. However, experts agree that it is a complicated matter
of genetics, biology, psychological and social factors. For most people, sexual
orientation and gender identity are shaped at any early age. While
research has not determined a cause, homosexuality and gender variance
are not the result of any one factor like parenting or past experiences.
It is never anyone’s “fault” if they or their loved one
grows up to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. If you are
asking yourself why you or your loved one is GLBT, consider asking
yourself another question: Why ask why? Does your response to a
GLBT person depend on knowing why they are GLBT? Regardless of
cause, GLBT people deserve equal rights and to be treated fairly.
Can gay people change their sexual orientation or gender identity?
There are religious and secular organizations which sponsor campaigns
and studies suggesting that GLBT people can change their sexual orientation
or gender identity. Their assertions assume that there is something
wrong with being GLBT – the largest problem is, in fact, society’s
intolerance of difference. PFLAG believes that it is our anti-GLBT
attitudes, laws and policies that need to change, not our GLBT loved
ones.
Many of the studies and campaigns suggesting that GLBT people can
change are based on ideological biases rather than solid science.
Claims of conversion from gay to straight tend to be poorly documented,
full of flawed research with a lack of follow-up. No studies show
proven long-term changes in gay or transgender people, and many reported
changes are based solely on behavior and not a person’s actual self-identity.
The American Psychological Association has stated that scientific
evidence shows that reparative therapy (therapy which claims to change
GLBT people) does not work and that it can do more harm than good.
How does someone know they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
Some people say that they have “felt different” or knew
they were attracted to people of the same sex from the time they
were very young. Some transgender people talk about feeling from
an early age that their gender identity did not match parental and
social expectations. Others do not figure out their sexual orientation
or gender identity until they are adolescents or adults. Often it
can take a while for people to put a label to their feelings, or
people’s feelings may change over time. Understanding our sexuality
and gender can be a life-long process, and people shouldn’t worry
about labeling themselves right away. However, with positive images
of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people more readily available,
it is becoming easier for people to identify their feelings and come
out at earlier ages. People don’t have to be sexually active to know
their sexual orientation – feelings and emotions are as much a part
of one’s identity. The short answer is that you’ll know when you
know.
There are many reasons why people “come out” or tell
their families, friends and associates about their sexual orientation
and/or gender identity. Because sexual orientation and gender identity
are simply part of who people are, coming out can be a very freeing
experience. If often takes more emotional energy to stay “closeted” than
to live life as one was born to be. However, there are risks in being
open and honest. Coming out can sometimes result in alienating family
and friends. There may be legal, but painful repercussions in the
work place. Regrettably, coming out may result in rejection and ultimately
the feeling of being unloved.
How do I come out to my family and friends?
There are many questions to consider before coming out. Are you
comfortable with your sexuality and gender identity/expression?
Do you have support? Can you be patient? What kind of views do
your friends and family have about homosexuality and gender variance?
Are you financially dependent on your family? Make sure you have
thought your decision through, have a plan and supportive people
you can turn to. And be prepared for the stages that your family
or loved ones may go through upon learning you are gay, lesbian,
bisexual or transgender. Coming out can cause shock, denial, guilt
and grief. However, PFLAG was founded because of the unconditional
love of parents for their gay children. Your loved ones will need
time to adjust to your news, the same way you may have needed time
to come to terms with yourself. However, true acceptance is possible,
especially with education and support. Read This Before Coming
Out to Your Parents.
What do I do if someone comes out to me? How can I support my GLBT
loved one?
Learning that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender
can be a difficult discovery. It can send you on an emotional roller
coaster ride. You may feel like you have lost a loved one. Remember
that this person is the same one that you loved before they came
out to you – they have just shared another part of themselves with
you. Feelings of grief, guilt and denial are natural given some
of our society’s attitudes towards homosexuality and gender variance.
However, you owe it to your loved one -and yourself- to move towards
acceptance and understanding. Whatever your reaction, reassure
your loved one that they still have your love. PFLAG offers support
and education to help with that process. Dos and Don’ts for Families & Friends.
Yes. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people can have families.
Same-sex couples do form committed and loving relationships. In
the United States many same-sex couples choose to celebrate their
love with commitment ceremonies or civil unions, although these
couples are not offered the rights and benefits of marriage. In
Vermont, same-sex couples can have a state civil union that offers
some of the benefits of marriage to resident couples, and the Massachusetts
Supreme Judicial Council has ruled that under Massachusetts law
the state cannot discriminate against same sex couples in the distribution
of marriage licenses. In the State of California, state law provides
many (but not all) of the benefits of marriage to registered domestic
partners irrespective of whether they are composed of opposite
or same sex couples. More and more GLBT couples are also raising
children together, although state laws on adoption and foster parenting
vary. And of course, many GLBT people have the support of the loving
families they were born into, or the families that they have created
with their other friends and loved ones.
How can I reconcile my or my loved one’s sexual orientation with
my faith?
This is a difficult question for many people. Learning that a loved
one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender can be a challenge
if you feel it is at odds with your faith tradition. However, being
GLBT does not impact a person’s ability to be moral and spiritual
any more than being heterosexual does. Many GLBT people are religious
and active in their own faith communities. It is up to you to explore,
question and make choices in order to reconcile religion with homosexuality
and gender variance. For some this means working for change within
their faith community, and for others it means leaving it. There
are many resources to help you in this journey. The following is
just a short list:
Religious Tolerance – http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_bibl.htm
SoulForce – http://www.soulforce.org/
- Mel White’s “What the Bible Says– and Doesn’t Say–About Homosexuality“
Dignity USA - http://www.dignityusa.org/
Metropolitan Community Churches – http://mccchurch.org/
Unitarian Universalist Association – http://www.uua.org/
GLBT Muslims – http://members.aol.com/marinersc/connect/faith/muslim/index.htm
The World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and transgender Jews, Keshet
Ga’avah – http://www.glbtjews.org/
What about HIV/AIDS?
Since the onset of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, many people have viewed
HIV/AIDS as a gay issue. The GLBT community mobilized early in the
epidemic to formulate a response that included educating communities,
creating visibility to reduce stigma, developing prevention strategies
and advocating for appropriate care and treatment options for People
Living with AIDS (PLWAs). Yet the epidemic has continued to progress
and take its toll on many communities globally. Still, despite overwhelming
statistics documenting the spread of HIV/AIDS in other communities,
many people still choose to view HIV/AIDS as a gay issue.
The truth is that being GLBT does not give you AIDS. Certain sexual
practices, certain drug use behaviors and other factors can put you
at risk for catching HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as
other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Everyone needs to get
the facts about HIV/AIDS.
HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected person, by sharing
needles and/or syringes (primarily for drug injection) with someone
who is infected, or, less commonly (and now very rarely in countries
where blood is screened for HIV antibodies), through transfusions
of infected blood or blood clotting factors. Babies born to HIV-infected
women may become infected during birth or through breast-feeding
after birth. While research has revealed a great deal of valuable
information, a lot of false or misleading information, often fueled
by homophobia, continues to be shared widely through the Internet
or popular press, so be sure to consider the source when educating
yourself about HIV/AIDS. More
information about HIV/AIDS.
If your loved one is presently HIV-positive or has AIDS, they now
need your support more than ever. You should know that you are not
alone. There are numerous local and national organizations that can
help you with medical, psychological and physical care. PFLAG can
refer you to other parents, families and friends in similar situations,
and resources specific to your needs.
In Pittsburgh, contact
- Persad – http://www.persadcenter.org/ or
- Pittsburgh Aids Task Force - http://www.patf.org/ or
- Shepherd Wellness Community - http://www.swconline.org
for more information.
Why should I support gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights?
GLBT rights are not special rights. PFLAG works to achieve equal
civil rights for all people, including our gay, lesbian, bisexual
and transgender (GLBT) loved ones. Because our GLBT children, friends
and family members deserve the same rights as our straight ones;
because discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity
is still legal in many states; because a GLBT person can be fired
from their job simply because of who they love or how they express
their gender; because same sex couples cannot legally be married
in the majority of states in the United States; because GLBT youth
face constant harassment and abuse in schools across the country;
because the road to full equality and acceptance is a long one -
PFLAG needs you to stand up and join us in our work. Your loved one
needs you to take a stand for fairness. By being open about yourself
and your family you are already helping to dispel misinformation
and fear. You can take the next step by joining PFLAG as we support,
educate and advocate for a better world.
